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Excalibur Summer-Blade
Artist | Hobbyist | Other
"You may call it madness but I call it creative genius"

I haven't been in the arts for a while and won't dare call myself an artist by any form but I am a person who would like to be. I am teaching myself photography, rediscovering writing and finding the joys of simply drawings. I hope in time my skills will improve to the point where I can call myself an artist but for now I am simply a student that wants to learn.

     I don’t know one person that would say the 2015 was their best year of their life. In fact more than one person have mention how hard the year was for them or someone they know. Often most openly declared 2015 the worse year of their life and I have to place myself among that group. I have to say 2015 had the most challenges and set back I have ever experience in my life so far. The trials and troubles I have experience this year just staggers me.  When thinking of 2015 and all that happened I am dumb founded that I came out of it at all. There were moments that I didn’t think I would make it.

     If I learned anything in 2015 it's that life isn’t fair but it doesn’t mean you can give up on it when it gets hard. Life is a challenge that everyone has to face in one form or another and we have to come to terms with that. 2015 made me realize that I need to be more resilient to what life throws at me and I was not prepared for how bad life can get. During my first time at college during the summer I was always able to find employment during the summer and I was luckily enough to get a job strait out of college.

     I was not prepared for the challenges that present themselves during a recession.  When I originally enter the workforce the province was experiencing a boom and people were looking for new workers. Now I am competing with people that have decade’s worth of experience compared with my seven years as a technologist. I have to compete with engineering graduates that are willing to apply for technologist positions. This is all new to me though I have experiencing it since late 2012.

     During 2015 I also learned that is okay to admit that I can’t take all the stress and frustration that I was experiencing. I learned that it shows strength to admit that I do suffer from depression on top of my already known learning disabilities. I experience that talking about what I have experience and what I am feeling can help relieve some of the mental turmoil I was previously experiencing in silence. Society in general should be more willing to talk about mental disorder and understand that depression or similar disorder should be more accepted. We should be willing to accept people may suffer in way we cannot see and not understand.

     To often people think they have to suffer in silence or they will be seen as weak, inferior or damage. Experiencing those view can be isolating and makes it harder to seek help. If it wasn’t for to encourage another person and my family doctor I wouldn’t have gone and found help. Even if that help is for a short period of time. We as a society should be more willing to encourage people to talk about their own issues and encourage them to seek help if they need it.

     It was when I was at my lowest that I rediscovered some of my old creative outlets. I have rediscovered the joys of writing creatively again by means of poetry. I found out that creative outlet can help a stabilize my own emotional turmoil by allowing me an outlet. I realized that allow myself to be discourage from writing because my grammar is not up to par to allow me to do it “professionally.” But that professional writing was in an outdated format.

     I can write here on DeviantArt for blogging or pieces creative writing. There are other formats that will allow me to write and simply enjoy doing it. One of my goals for 2016 will be to learn how to design a personal web page and start a weekly blog as a starting point for my new writing efforts because I want to grow past DeviantArt. There are new avenues the writing for a magazine or the newspaper now. It is surprising that I never took this into consideration before. I know learning how to design a personalized web-page may be difficult  but there are resources out there that will help me get there.

     Because of 2015 I know that I have to take control of my own professional skill development and not rely on employers to development them. It time to take it on myself to relearn what I have forgotten from college and further develop those skills. There is a time and place for self-education as long as a person has the capacity to make sure what they are teaching themselves is correct. That is why developing a network of professionals to bounce idea or questions off is important. If I want to one day reenter the Urban Infrastructure industry again once the recession ends I need to do this.

     During the end of 2015 I realized that I want to expand and develop my own photography skills and learn how to draw artistically instead of technically. I need to go out and take more photos and learn how to see with a photographer eyes. With drawing creatively there is some overlap with my previous drafting experience that I can build on which can lead to better 3D modeling. Hobbies are okay to have and can progress to something more. As long as one is willing to put in the effort.

     I still have to look for a job but I have the time know to explore this. I should allow myself the permission to explore this. 2015 showed me that I don’t know what the future will bring and being to rigid in my thinking will only prevent from realizing the potential opportunities. I need to be open to new ways of seeing and thinking so I can be prepared for what comes.

     Even though 2015 was the most challenging year I have faced I won’t allow what happened hold me back. The year 2016 is a year of unknowns for me and doubts. I’m going to experience situations that I have never faced before and I have to be ready for that. I won’t let the past hold me back from moving forward with my life and neither should anyone else.

  • Listening to: PodCast
  • Reading: Various Books
  • Watching: YouTube
  • Playing: Fallout 4
  • Eating: Popcorn
  • Drinking: Water and Coffee

Journal History


thank you for the Llama :)
Sat Jun 20, 2015, 6:35 PM
thank you for adding my art to your favorites! :D
Sat May 2, 2015, 11:30 AM



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PoetBrony Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for watching me! =D

And don't worry too much about the coming year. A good friend has told me, many times, that 80% of what someone worries about never comes true. Hang in there, and find support in your friends and family. You are never truly alone unless you chose to be :)
hellbat Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2016
Thanks for the recent faves.
thewolfcreek Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you for the fav...
ExcaliburBlade Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2016  Hobbyist Artist
Your welcome.
RegenerationPlus Featured By Owner Edited Feb 11, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for faving R+04 p10 AMoP p01 eng by RegenerationPlus R+04 p11 AMoP p02 eng by RegenerationPlus R+04 p12 AMoP p03 eng by RegenerationPlus
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