Learning From Your Mistake

    In life we make mistakes that are what life is all about, making mistakes.  I know I have made a few over the last few years.  Some of them have screwed up my life over the last year or so.  One caused me to be unemployed others have caused me to dive into a deep depression which almost caused me to fail one my classes.  I took a temp job and when a permanent one came up I turned it down because I want to give notice to the temp job causing me to lose the chance at the permanent one.   It so strange how one choice could drastically overshadow everything else we do in our lives.  

    Sometimes we learn but sometimes we don’t.  It depends on the person making the mistake.  Now I wish I could say I am one of those people that learn from their mistakes and improve as they continue one with their live but I can’t.   Sometimes I feel as if I keep making the same mistake over and over because I can’t figure out why I keep making it.  I think that is part of the artistic process, learning from the mistake and figuring out why it was a mistake in the first place.  I all part about understanding who you are as a person and fully grasp that concept.  As I try to continue down the artistic path I keep learning I don’t understand who I am as a person.  

    May be that is why it seems I keep making the same mistake over and over.  I don't fully grasp why I am making the mistake in the first place.  At times it's because I thought the choice was a wise one only to have it turn into a blunder that I have to pull myself out of.  At no given point do you know which choice is the wise one which does make it hard to learn from them.  The only times he realizes he made mistake is when it blows up in your face.  For example I thought I had a permanent job lined up so I left my temp job behind only to be laid off not even a few months into the new job.  I thought accepting the permanent job was a wise choice even though that meant taking a cut in pay and reduce vacation hours.  The permanent job did mean medical benefits which is something that I have sought out for long-time.  In retrospect I realize I should've kept the temp job till the end of the contract.  If I did an outstanding position to possibly fill a permanent role that could have potentially become open in that company.  Now I'm back at the drawing board trying to figure out what to do with my life.

    I'm only starting to realize that my job doesn't define who I am.  It's only a means of making money so I can live in able to afford some style of life.  It's what I'm passionate about that defines who I am, which at the moment is my photography and other artistic efforts.  It's disheartening to realize that your passions can’t your livelihood.  I wish my photography was at the level that I could take photography jobs but that isn’t the case.  I'm still searching for job in my original field and trying to keep myself busy by delving further into my art.  I have several books on photography, various drafting programs and in time to explore different alternatives.  Life is about making mistakes, I've been so worried about making mistakes that I have been living my life to its full potential.  It's time to overcome that fear start living life and making mistakes as I go along.  I hope along the way a figure out whom I am and if not at least have a better picture of the person who I want to become.